This was suppose to be like therapy for me and that is what I want it to be and hopefully others can relate. I am just really in bad place lately. I believe I said before I had found marijuana to be helpful for me and it is but I had a sinus infection and had to take a break from it and its like stopping medication but without side effects you just go back to how you were before using it and I am finding it hard to stop my mind from racing so bad to get it to work for me again. I just feel really frustrated and not at the marijuana but the simple fact that my mind is a wreak and I can't get it to stop or slow down. My sister was saying her my older sister who lived away before and she isn't with us no more and I had to stop talking to her but she is giving me the most anxiety. I am so paranoid and it really sucks and makes things really hard. Also where I live marijuana is legal but we have someone in congress threatening it. I wish I could get a medical card but I need a doctor for that and we can't afford it we are barely able to make our payments for the insurance more less to actually use it. Which is stupid we have it yet can't use it because we are already in debt and can't afford more.
Also my husband's dad is in a home and is pushing to want to live with us but we live with my mom and the house has stairs all bedrooms upstairs and he currently can't put weight on his feet as he had surgery recently. I feel he wants us to feel bad because I help my mom and he wants me to take care of him as well. My mental health is deteriorating and I am still worrying about everyone but me. I don't even know how to do self care I really never have and I am paying for it. I really am at my wit ends with everyone and everything I feel so isolated which I have caused I will admit a lot of stuff is probably my own fault but I really don't know how to fix it. Anyway I gotta go get my husband from his job like I do everyday because he has narcolepsy. I hope you all are having a better year and life and not struggling to badly because I know how frustrating this crap can be. I will be back to write again until then try to hold your heads up and remember you matter and you are worth it and you are loved. Until next time...