So I am struggling super bad right now. I feel worthless and just like really down in a bottomless pit of darkness. I was going through ups and downs of having burst of energy then feeling kinda blah but now I am just really down and sleeping a lot and just not taking care of myself the way I was before and I just feel like I am stuck in a spot of anxiety and depression. It also doesn't help when the PTSD gets me when I am sleeping and I dream about being raped again by my abuser. I just feel like I am super lost and alone. I don't know what to do or how to get back on top and I know I been here before many of times but it doesn't make it any easier when it comes around again. I just wish I didn't feel this way no more and I just want to feel more like a person and not so much my diagnosis. It really doesn't help when my body is whacked out because my hormones are every where because I am a women and just seems like my hormones are constantly making things harder especially the older I get. I just feel so lost right now. I have my awesome husband, mom and sister but I just feel so down and I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to be happy and carefree and most of all I want to be healthy physically, mentally and emotionally. I don't know how to get there. Each time I get this way seems like I get farther into the depression and farther into feeling like its all to much. I also have a dental appointment tomorrow and a doctor appointment on the 31st and both have my anxiety really high and depressed and just like I am going to get yelled at and judged. I just hope everything will turn around. I hope everything is better for all of you. I am getting pretty tired again. I think I am going to take a nap. I will try to come update you all in a few days or weeks on how I am and hopefully I will be better.
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Wow it sure has been a while since I have came on here and written anything. I been super busy with the hoildays. I baked alot around Christmas and just been stressed beyond belief. I drank on New Year eves. Its just been very stressful. I been also having a lot of problems with my hands so typing and stuff isn't super easy for me so I might leave this short and say I am okay and I might not come write on here for a while because my hands and stress and I feel drained in every way possible. I hope you all had a great thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years eve I hope this new year brings you all lots of great things including peace thats what I am hoping for but we have to make the change we want to see. Thanks for coming back and reading and stuff I appreciate all of you. Anyway I should be back to write in a few months hopefully sooner.
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June 2018
CategoriesAuthorI am Bridget I have PTSD and was recently diagnosed |