So its been a while since I have came and written anything. I been extremely busy with my mom having surgeries and trying out new meds for bipolar disorder as well as having a birthday. I turned 25 on the 7th of this month which had been hard leading up to it because I am no longer considered in my early 20's but now my mid 20's. I am going to be seeing the judge in October and that has been giving me major anxiety more then ever before. I been having anxiety attacks that have been making me breaking down crying and just feeling super depressed and having anger outburst as well as not feeling well. The meds they have me on were making the anger worse then normal and me more tired then usual as well but they cut them back and took me off one to try and see if that will help. I am just trying to hold it together while going through everything that I am. The main thing that is getting to me is the seeing the judge for my social security. I am honestly scared that I will have gone there all of this to be denied and then I will have to try and hold a job and I am just thinking I can barley make it through normal life without trying to hold down a job as well. My anxiety is probably one of the main things holding me back in life and probably my PTSD and it seriously sucks. Especially when your crying but still saying you are fine. I must say though that I have the best husband ever. He holds me when that happens even when I say I am fine he tells me I am not because he knows me to well and tells me to just let him hold me. I just feel incredibly lucky to have him in my life. We will be celebrating our 3 year wedding anniversary in exactly 2 weeks and I am a little scared because this year for us has been full of milestones in our marriage like me being more open with him and stuff so this year has been like the year for our relationship. I think we are closest we have ever been which is awesome because it means we are growing. I do feel super bad though when my anxiety takes over and just totally messes stuff up and makes me upset and anger out of no where. I am also going through a lot with my mom because she just had neck surgery to unblock her carotid artery and I was alone for that one waiting to find out how it went but she came out great. So she has one more surgery to go which is her legs to have the blockage removed from there. So having to see the judge this year is not ideal but I just have to push through. I see my lawyer next week and find out how court will go but even that makes me scared and anxious. So yea I am just feel kinda overwhelmed about everything. I have also been seeing my counselor for 6 months which I think is the longest I have been in therapy with the same counselor but hopefully that will make the judge feel better about going in my favor. So yea sorry its been so long it might be a long time again before I come and write anything because I am super super busy lately and I don't have the time and energy usually to sit down and put my thoughts out there. So yea thanks for sticking with me and continuing to read my blog and checking back. I am still here and my blog is still active I am just busy. Thanks for understanding you all rock and I hope you all are having a beautiful wonderful life. Know I am always here if you ever need to talk I am actually going to put my kik id in the contact part of this so if you want to contact me you can through kik its in the playstore for free to download or you can suggest a app you are comfortable with if you wish to talk one and one thanks.
0 Comments
|
Archives
June 2018
CategoriesAuthorI am Bridget I have PTSD and was recently diagnosed |