Hey I know its been a while since I have come and wrote anything but I have a great excuse as to why that was. My mom ended up having a heart attack on the 15th I believe it was and then she had to stay in the hospital for a whole week waiting to have open heart surgery on the 21st. She came through it great and is home and I was going back and forth to the hospital while she was there and now that she is home I am taking care of her and making sure she does what she needs to do. She is pretty independent now but I have to remind her of a lot of stuff still which is fine for me. I been driving her car to which has made my anxiety pretty bad since I haven't really drove till she had the heart attack in a while I mean she let me start to drive a little before then so its kinda like she kinda knew something would be happening. She also needs surgery on her neck still and her legs because she has plaque everywhere in her body. She is so strong though. I am really proud of her. She has been such a trooper through this all. My husband has been amazing to. He went to the hospital with me the day of her surgery which was great and he has been super supportive to me. I love him so much and feel extremely lucky to have him in my life. I am also talking to all my siblings even my older brother who did that stuff to me. I am by no means close to any of them but I am talking to them all for the sack of my mom. I am just proud of myself that I can put stuff aside and be civil and let them know when stuff is happening with my mom. I know that its good because I am being the bigger person. So life has been okay lately just very stressful. I have been missing appointments with all this going on so I need to make sure I make my next appointment to see my counselor so I can see the med doctor so I can let her know the meds aren't working for me. I have had more energy but that's because of all that's going on. Anyway that's whats going on in my life and why I haven't wrote anything in some time. So my blog is still active I just had a lot going on. Hope things are going better for you all and you all have a great day and great weekend.
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I know its been a little while since I have written anything. I have times when I am really good about coming and writing and other times I am really bad at it. A lot has been going on in my life. My mom was suppose to have surgery but she ended up canceling it because its been so hot. I been suffering from really bad anxiety lately and my pills suck they are still not working and I am hardly sleeping and feeling exhausted 24/7 so I just feel unmotivated and just can't seem to get myself to get out of this depression. Anyway I wanted to talk about something that I am not sure if you have heard of or not. Its called project semicolon and its people getting a tattoo with a semicolon for those with depression, mental health issues and addiction and to support those who suffer as well. This young women started it after her father had committed suicide if you google project semicolon I am sure you will find a article to explain it a little better then me. Anyway I really want to get a tattoo of a semicolon for the reason I have suffered from all of those things and am currently suffering terrible from depression and been having a lot of suicidal thoughts. I had my husband home for a week about a week ago and I think it may have threw me off emotionally when he went back to work because I got use to having him home. So now I am trying to get back to normal which is super hard. On top of that my birthday is coming which for some reason is scaring me. I am going to be 25 so its kinda a big deal because to me it makes me think while in 5 years I will be 30 and if I don't have kids soon I will miss my chance and I feel like such a loser because I haven't done anything with my life. I guess I just feel really out of it and scared of everything in life. I sometimes wish my husband could be home with me 24/7 but I know that can't be and he has to work so we can have a roof over our heads and food in our mouths. I have my mom home all day with me but its not the same I just really wish that life was different. I feel really emotionally out of it lately and a lot of the time I feel like all my issues are something I have caused. I can't help but a lot of the time feeling like its in my head and I am pretty sure I have mentioned that before and I didn't realize that others had that issue to of feeling like its just in their heads but I think its all apart of the illness. I really hope people still come and read my blog and aren't bored with it. I know I am probably a crappy writer and whiner and I am so sorry for that. Anyway I hope you all have a wonderful day and are doing better then me if you are not may you find some relief soon.
I wish I had something happy and great to write about but I don't truth be told. I been having a hard time keeping my anger in check. The littlest of things piss me off and the main thing that is pissing me off is the fact that I am on provera for my pcos while its not working so now they have to find something else that might work for me. I have had the last few days with my husband and I feel so bad because I feel so annoyed. I am also having severe anxiety and I just finally got my anxiety pills today. I took one and its really not helping and I was told it should help right when I start it. It says to take as needed which also tells me it should help but its really not. I don't know I am so frustrated with everything right now. My mom is going for surgery on her neck on Monday I am so nervous about that. There is a 2% chance of her having a stroke while having the surgery so I really am hoping that doesn't happen and that she doesn't have a heartache either. I been losing some weight and I think that's mainly because I am so stressed out that I am barely eating anything. I have so much on my mind all the time. I am try to keep my mind off things but its hard. My counselor keeps asking me to do task before the next time I see her and I always end up forgetting to do it because I am constantly in a state where there is other things on my mind. The last person I am worried about talking care of is myself. I know that sounds horrible but its true I have always put myself on the back burner. I guess its because growing up I always felt I was least important and I don't think that was true but it sure did feel like it. I still feel like I am not getting the help I need with my mental illness or my pcos. I have to go see the obgyn in about a week and a half or so. I really don't like him and I wish my doctor could help me with my pcos but he doesn't know enough to help me out. Which I understand it just sucks because it seems like this obgyn doesn't know much either. I feel so frustrated with life especially since I am not sure if I am being treated for the wrong mental illness. I just wish I knew if I had bi polar or not. I just wish to much I think. I really am hoping that there is a light at the end of this crap tunnel but who knows for sure. I hope everyone else is keeping cool its quite hot here. I hope you all have a wonderful day. Sorry for complaining I just needed to get that all out.
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June 2018
CategoriesAuthorI am Bridget I have PTSD and was recently diagnosed |