It's been a while since I last wrote anything but a lot has been going on in my life! I cut my hair short like a guys! I also been kinda confused on what I want in life! I have been thinking of being a guy for a long time since I was young but I haven't really told anyone this till recently! Not everyone knows because I am scared of rejection or people thinking there is something sick or wrong with me! I told my husband before we ever married about my feelings but also figured it was just a part of me which it is but I suppose I always figured I could keep it suppressed like I had been doing for so long! Will tonight I took a shower with my husband and we were talking about the possibility of me transitioning but not doing bottom surgery and he said what's the point if I don't do the bottom surgery so now I feel like I better just learn to come to terms with being a women and being me! After all I have a lot of female tattoos because like I said I figured it would pass and was always told I was a tomboy when younger and the only reason I started to wear girl clothes was because of my mom but she is accepting since I told her how I feel! I just feel more like I need to please those around me rather then myself! I also want kids and would love to be the one to give birth to them and I some what hope that having kids will make me want to embrace being a women just so that I can make everyone around me super comfortable! I remember being a kid and wanting to go in the boys bathroom back in preschool and refusing to switch lines and my mom told me I tried to shave apparently copying my dad! I can't really say when I started to feel this way but it's been a long time since I was young and I have always tried to hide who I am! Just like I have always hide that I like both sexes and so it's hard for me to totally embrace this part of me! Hopefully at some point I can come to terms with this and be who I have always felt I should be! I know having my hair short like it is makes me feel more comfortable and confident and maybe just having my hair short can keep my feelings at bay a while longer! Anyway I know this is all totally different when what I normal write about but felt it should be expressed! Thanks for reading and hope I don't lose any of my readers!
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June 2018
CategoriesAuthorI am Bridget I have PTSD and was recently diagnosed |