Just wanted to drop in and write a little bit a lot has been going on emotionally for me. I been like on a emotional roller coaster that makes me have a million mixed emotions mainly the fact that I am not doing my part as a wife or daughter or best friend. I just feel like everything with me revolves around having a baby and more that we have to wait for it to happen the more I wrap myself into it. I just want it so badly but I know its not going to happen on its own more then likely and I know that the stress doesn't help one bit. I just can't seem to quit stressing and worrying about everything. Now I have my heart set on moving in 5 to 10 years into a bigger house that will be in my husband and mine's name but still have my mom with us. I just want something with a more then 3 rooms so we can have at least 2 kids. Now I don't work and my husband does so I feel like I am putting on this pressure onto my husband and it feels like its not fair. I offer to get work knowing it could lead to a major mental break down but I willing to take the chance and I tell him this yet it tells me it will be fine. Why can't I believe him?!? One part of me does believe him but the other part of me feels like I am taking advantage of him. I keep telling him if I get pregnant I don't want to work because I want to home schools. The main reason for that is because public school is scarier then ever to me. I know school shootings happened when I was in school but they never seemed so frequently as they are now. I know I am going on about kids I don't have yet but being a mother is something I have wanted since I was a child. I know crazy. I even wanted to be a teen mom but had a problem trying to get pregnant keep thinking it was the guy or it was a sign to wait for a while but now almost being 25 I feel I should have no issues getting pregnant and it not happening has been hard I been crying the last couple of days over it and I use to have times where for a while I would get wrapped up in having a baby but it usually passes and it hasn't passed this time and It makes it emotional hard on me. I just have kinda emotional shut down as far as being emotional towards others. I feel like I have become very self involved because I want a baby. I feel like I am being stupid and a baby because I want a baby. Has anyone ever experienced infertility and how did you maybe deal with it? Especially if you have a mental health issue and your a mom or wanting to be a mom what were and are your worries and do you have any regrets? Did your child inherit any issues from you? I know this is a lot of questions but its things I worry about and I have read some people have regrets because their children inherit some of their issues or have mental health issues and I am just curious if people knew that the outcome would be their child having mental health issues would you still have them or not and if so how would you deal with it or have dealt with it? Thanks to those who read this and are willing to answer these questions because I am very curious. Sorry for my baby fever rant post.
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June 2018
CategoriesAuthorI am Bridget I have PTSD and was recently diagnosed |