So last time I wrote a post I talked about something I really haven't discussed with a lot of people and I been feeling really depressed lately because I am so confused about everything. I am constantly going back and forth and mainly because I worry what others will say or think of me. I also feel super lonely and alone. I feel like I have no help or support system right now and I know I have people who I can tell that hey I need some extra support right now. I just don't want to do that I am one to always stand on my own 2 feet and I actually had my husband ask me why am I married to him if I can't talk to him about everything. Will I feel like he should know why I am married to him and its because I love him and I do talk to him about a lot of things but some things I need to figure out on my own. Plus I don't need his input especially when he really can't understand what I am going thru. I am always confused or I am pushing crap always to try and be content so no matter what I am depressed. I wish I could just be content with who I am and accept that I feel more one way then the other but I worry how I will be perceived by the world. I also have talked strongly about children and wanting to have children and carry them so does that mean that all my questioning is normal and I am really fine being me. I really don't know and I wish I had someone who could answer all these questions who has been through this. One thing that really gets me is that my husband doesn't want to really get checked to see if maybe he is part of the reason we can't get pregnant and I don't know why he won't but its probably not helping me in what I am going through. I also had my brother who has caused me to have my issues be at my house to see my mom and all I could think is I want to tell him I will be fine one day because I will live as a new true me. I feel like a butterfly almost and that if I go through what I want because I feel it will make me feel a 1000 times better that I will then be beautiful like I should have always been. I also question if I feel this way because of what happened to me. Then again I know lots of people who have been through what I have and don't feel this way. I just feel like I should be true to me but on the other hand I feel I am not ready to be so free. I have always had to fake it through life and this might be what will save me and make me feel like me for once. I don't know why I feel so scared to take this leap and be true to myself but I feel I have so much invested in my life as who I am. I just wish I could get pregnant have a child and see how I feel and I realize some might feel like that would be just like really mean for me to do but I don't feel it would be children seem to be very flexible and understanding. I just wish my confusion would go away and I know I sound so sure of what I want and maybe I am but maybe I feel like I wouldn't be accept but I guess when I am ready I will get over all fear and anxiety attached to it and do me for once in life. Thanks for reading this I know its long. I just have a lot of feelings I needed to get out. Thanks again.
9 Comments
Sorry for blowing up all of your posts, I just found your blog and saw that we have a lot in common. Also, I saw that you write poems? I recently decided to start posting poems on my blog. I would love to post one of your poems on my blog and feature your blog! You can make a little author section at the bottom of the poem and post a link back to your blog. Let me know what you think!
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Bridget Glos
5/17/2015 03:32:25 pm
If you have a Facebook I have all my poems on there if you maybe want to browse them and find one you might want to put on your blog that's totally fine as long as some where my name is on it! That Facebook is Poems of My Life By: Bridget Glos so you can check it out if you like I post a picture of my hair right quick and wasn't sure what to put in a email but here's my email incase you want to send me a email for any reason it's [email protected]
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Bridget Glos
5/17/2015 03:53:05 pm
Also what's your blog I would love to check it out!
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I have had night terrors my whole life, it's just a blog to connect with other people who have suffered from waking up in the middle of the night panicing and frantic. I just want to show people how putting your feelings into your writing can help ease the tension and anxiety that so many people have built up, you know. I'll go ahead and check out your facebook when I get home.
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Bridget Glos
5/17/2015 04:03:23 pm
Writing is a great way to get that all out and find people who go through what you do! I have had times of panic when waking or moments when I wake up scared stiff!
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Bridget Glos
5/17/2015 04:03:43 pm
Okay sounds great! 😊
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Bridget Glos
5/17/2015 04:27:03 pm
Yes I did and I replied with a super long reply sorry about that!
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June 2018
CategoriesAuthorI am Bridget I have PTSD and was recently diagnosed |