So haven't posted here in some time I been busy and sick. I was sick for a few days and couldn't do a damn thing in that time. Now I feel better but my depression is getting me. I been trying to act happy and like life is okay and fine but it's not. I just wanna be happy and leave this stupid sorrow behind. I talked to my older sister today and she thinks for some reason I have anger toward the person who hurt me and I can honestly say I don't have anger toward him. I just feel more scared of him and supposedly this person is moving to New York soon so apparently some people think my life should all of a sudden be all better after that happens. Now we all know that PTSD and mental health issues don't just resolve like that but I have people who have that in their minds. I can only hope that after he moves maybe I can feel a little more at ease but I won't get my hopes up that's for sure. I just wanna find a happy spot inside myself and just actually be truly happy but I don't think that people like me who have the issues and trauma I have will ever experience that. I know for me everything is either just okay or good for a moment then I am feeling like my world is falling to pieces right before my eyes. Will I am feeling that way now like my world is falling apart all at once. Not even sure why I feel those at maybe because my birthday is coming and just everything is either the same or not where I hoped it would be by this time in my life. I know life never turns out as we hope but things are just getting to me lately. I also not to long ago was falling apart when seeing my counselors and they wanted me to do a day mental health thing as an alternative to going to the hospital and I didn't want to and now I am worried that since I been kinda turning down the help for intensive treatment I might lose my chance of getting my social security. Sorry I am only using this as my diary this time but I needed to get some stuff off my chest because things are just so frustrating. Maybe others can relate if so your alone and life will get better at least that's what I keep telling myself even if I don't believe it right now it might be true sooner or later. If you read this thank you for listening!
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June 2018
CategoriesAuthorI am Bridget I have PTSD and was recently diagnosed |