I know its been a while since I have written and in my last post I said the post before didn't post which it did but my phone was showing it didn't for some reason. Anyway a lot is going on. Today is my husbands 22nd birthday and he just got his check and we don't have enough for all of our bills. I feel so bad and feel like if I just could go get a job and tough it out then we wouldn't be in this situation right now or if I had never been young and dumb with money. Then he wouldn't be stressed out on his birthday. I wish I could fix everything and make everything better and easier for him. I also am going to be seeing a med doctor on next Friday because my anxiety has been terrible. Oh I wanted to mention something my counselor said to me. I don't know if any of you have a issue with the word sorry or not but I do I overuse it and its because I always feel bad about everything that goes wrong so my counselor is challenging me to say I apologize rather then I am sorry because I guess when we say I am sorry we are saying we are a sorry person and that isn't the right message to send to our brain. I will admit I been failing pretty bad on doing that small switch but will continue to do it and hope I eventually can get it down. I feel like I am am a sorry person though but maybe this will help with that. Another thing she said for me to work on is trying to remember a time I was happy because apparently when we think of memories our brain thinks its happening right now. So I been trying to do that also but that is even harder then the not saying sorry. Okay so I want to talk about my husband a bit since it is his birthday. So I met my husband almost 4 years ago when he was 18 online and I was dating someone at the time I had been with this one guy since I was 15 and we spent 6 years together but he didn't treat me very nice. So when I met my now husband it was totally different he was super sweet and nice and could make me laugh and we would text for hours even when I had to get up early for work. We started out as friends and then I knew it would turn into more pretty quick so I broke up with the guy I was with for 6 years and of course he then wanted to do all the stuff he had promised me when we were together now that he was losing me and I wasn't having it because I knew that he wasn't who I was meant to be with after all my family didn't like him. So I ended that relationship and in a few weeks I had a new boyfriend my now husband. He has been just as amazing if not more then when I met him. He makes sure I am taken care of and loves me on my good and bad days. He doesn't try to make me be someone I am not and his family likes me and my family likes him. His family doesn't expect me to go to family events like my exes did so our relationship is the best relationship I have been in. My husband loves me no matter what. He would take a bullet for me. I can't say enough good things about him to make anyone understand how amazing and wonderful he is. I really hit the jackpot with him and sometimes I feel so bad about having the issues I do because he deserves better but of course he doesn't feel that way. I can't wait to grow old with him but then again I can because I want ever second I can with him. He loves me beyond fault and he would do anything to see a smile cross my face. Even when I am being the biggest bitch ever he still finds a way to look past that and love me and think I am beautiful. I had him tell me the other night that he wanted me to remember that no matter what that I need to remember I am beautiful and no matter where life takes us he loves me and thinks I am beautiful. He makes sure I know that I am beautiful in his eyes and strong and that no matter what he will be at my side. I have never knew a love like this except in movies so for me to have it. It kinda makes me feel like I am dreaming or it can't be reality. Like I said I can't say enough good stuff or explain how wonderful he is in enough words for anyone to understand the love he has for me unless they have or are experiencing such a wonderful love. You know we have been through a ton of stuff together things that should have made our relationship beyond repair but we have only grown stronger and closer and nothing could break our bond not even death. Sorry this is so long but I am done now. Hope you all have a wonderful day. Happy Birthday to my wonderful, loving, caring and sweet husband may all his wishes come true today.
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June 2018
CategoriesAuthorI am Bridget I have PTSD and was recently diagnosed |