I suppose that could be why I am feeling this way but I am really not sure. I feel all over the place and I feel like my life is so much different from most people and I am struggling with feeling like an outcast. With all this going on my husband's Dad, my father in law wants me to be his caregiver and honestly I can't even take care of myself and I am already helping take care of my Mom when she is sick or has stuff more serious going on. I also take care of my husband by taking care of the house and taking him to and from work as well as other stuff. I just feel very overwhelmed which may be causing these issues. I am not sleeping much either because my brain doesn't want to shut down and yet I feel like I have a ton of energy thanks bi-polar for that. So I am just all all over the place emotionally lately. I just feel lost. Lately life hasn't given me a break either to try and wind down from all of this stuff going on and so I think that is what triggered the mania that I am experiencing right now.
I just honestly want to feel okay and be okay for once in my life and I feel like I will never get a break from my mind and I often think of leaving the city I live in and moving some place far away and changing my name and appearance and starting over new. Sadly lots of things keep me from doing so. I really wish there was a magic pills to feel normal and feel like I matter and that I am fine when I leave out my front door. Anyway just wanted to come talk about this and maybe some can relate to these emotional roller coasters maybe not. Anyway hope you all are doing well and keep your chin up. Find a reason to smile once a day it may help!