Hey everyone I know my blog is always all over the place I go from having times when I try to write super positive and others I am totally negative for that I am sorry but if I didn't write how I really felt then I would just be fake and I am not a fake person. I guess I just feel bad for my negative posts because I don't want to bring anyone down and I sadly can't stop myself from being negative no matter how positive I try to be. I really hope I am not the only one who feels this way or has this problem I guess it's more a problem then me just letting myself be this way if that at all makes sense. I am just super stressed out and feel like my husband and mom take on everything and I am just lazy even though I am not. My mom just got a call and she has a consultation coming up this month for her carotid arteries. So that's making my anxiety even worse and I been super depressed sleeping a lot and I haven't seen my counselor in about a month now because stuff keep coming up. I feel so beside myself about everything and feel super guilty because I can't fix what's wrong with my mom or make her other kids come see her and make her feel loved beyond belief. She really deserves it. I think my husband deserves better then me as well even though he would tell you he doesn't but he really does because he's a wonderful person just as wonderful as my mom! I wish that she had friends because she is such a sweet strong women with a lot to give to this world but has always been shut down which is really to bad because if people got to know her and she let them they would see what a beautiful soul she really is. I just wish I could take her medical problems and cure her that's how much my mom means to me. In reality if I could take the everyone who suffers pain away and deal with it I would I hate to see people be in pain because I know it all to well and I strongly believe everyone deserves happiness and to live life. I think I feel that way because I can't live life and I want to achieve happiness and I know I would still feel the way I do now but I think it's so strong because I have had my fair share of pain and bad life experiences but I have always tried to not let it get to me but it obviously does which in a lot of ways makes me sad because I have tried to live life but my thought of living is running away from my feelings so that is obviously not really living. I just hope that she can find happiness and I hope all of you can to because you all deserve it! You deserve to not be a prisoner of your anxiety or depression or whatever your suffering from that keeps you from living life. You matter and your life matters. You shouldn't live in fear but you should also remember bad things happen to great people and there isn't much we can do besides be aware of our surroundings and even then we don't know what might happen so we have to live and take risks and hope that the pay off from doing it will be good and not bad! I honestly wonder what you all must think of me. You probably think I am crazy or totally normal either way I really wish I knew because for some reason I like to know what the world thinks of me! Anyway enjoy your day and try to live each day as if it's your last!
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June 2018
CategoriesAuthorI am Bridget I have PTSD and was recently diagnosed |