Hey readers I know my last post probably made some people wonder if I would be back to write anymore. Will I am here. I can't say I am feeling better because I really am not. I am trying to feel better and get in a better mind set. Luckily I have my husband who loves me so much and was able to deal with me when I was being ridiculous about something that was going on. I also have my awesome mom who I was able to let in on what was going on without being judged for it. I felt so stupid over it but I am so fragile all the time that little things really mess me up. I also have my best friend who tried to reach out but I pushed away because I was and am embarrassed about why I was so incredibly upset. I just am trying to get into a new head space of positive thoughts and believing what I am told rather then feeling like everyone is out to fuck me over basically. I am just so thankful when my husband told me he isn't leaving me he means it. I mean if I were him I don't know if I would have stuck around to deal with me. I mean when I was going through it I was not even wanting to be me but I couldn't stop the thoughts and everything else. I just really want to be in a good place and feel happy and be okay. My husband makes me the most happy and I have peaks of happiness but I just want to be more okay then not okay I am sure you can relate to it. Being in a state of being scared really doesn't help. I am thinking and hoping maybe next year I can start volunteering at the humane society or the school system I really want to get to a place of okay. I am also hoping a little after I am 30 of maybe fostering a child who has had a rough go of it and just needs to know that there is hope and people do care and help them. So more then likely if I do that it will be a teenager because most people don't want to foster older kids and I have had family in the system and I had always wished I was older to take them in and help them rather then them go in the system. I just need purpose in life and a way to feel needed and like I am doing good for the world. I want to be that bright spot and really change a life or a few if I can. Everyone needs to know this world isn't as ugly as it seems to be. I really hope those who read my blog find some comfort in knowing they aren't alone and that there is going to be hard times and there will be good times and okay times we can make it through it all though. We are warriors and we may not all wear our scars on the outside or let people in on us having those scars but we are still going and still making it even if we are just surviving we are still warriors because it takes a lot of bravery to keep going when you want to give up and give in to your emotions. I know how hard it is to make yourself wait to see if it can get better and I know how it is to say fuck it and try and take my own life but I also have seen the worry it causes and the stress of those I love. Nothing in life should be so bad we feel there is no more hope in life but you know we have times when we feel that way but we have to keep in mind we kept going before when we felt this way and we have made it this far no matter how young or old you are you have made it this far in life and that is a accomplishment you should be proud of because its not easy at all. Be brave today and try to smile, try to think positive, try to show the real you to someone you trust if you haven't yet. Just know you are worth while, you are important, you are beautiful and you mean everything to someone in this world even if you don't know it or they don't express it. Stay safe and I will try to come back and write before thanksgiving.
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June 2018
CategoriesAuthorI am Bridget I have PTSD and was recently diagnosed |