I am having a really bad day today! My anxiety is really super high and I know why I just wish it would stop! I had a nightmare last night that felt so real and it's making me feel so uneasy. I felt like it was really happening and I woke up and the weather outside was like it was in my nightmare so it just feels like it could happen I guess. I know it sounds crazy but my anxiety is so high I can't even begin to rationalize anything. I think anxiety is one of the worst feelings I experience because it's so relentless and no one can change the way your mind is think not even yourself. I have tired to convince myself that it was just a dream it's not reality but I honestly can't. I feel super exhausted too but I can't sleep because I am scared the same nightmare might appear. I really wish their was a way to shut the anxiety off. I went out shopping with my mom and I felt like everyone was staring at me and giving me dirty looks and it just made me feel even more uncomfortable. I am back home but I feel so sick to my stomach and uneasy. I really hope it will pass but from experience it will probably be with me the rest of today. I feel like I am being a paranoid baby but I know that I really am not. I wish it was easier to rationalize things when I get like this but it seems like logic goes right out the window when the anxiety kicks in. Plus I have a ton of stuff on my mind like money which always seems to be a issue, then their is trying to get pregnant, the stress with Samson the other day, my husband working a lot and barely seeing him and also my mom having problems with her legs not to mention my little brother seems to be going through a hard time right now so I just have a lot on my mind and that is only some of what runs through my mind. I just I could just be like all of this is just facts of life because it is but to me it's something I feel I need to stress over I guess it's something that has always been with me since I was a child I have always been a very stressed out person since I can remember and I really believe a lot of it streams from my dad but I also know I should have found better coping skills when I was younger but I also know I had no one to help me then to be able to cope especially since both my parents had not the greatest upbringing so they really didn't know how to deal with their emotions which always worries me if I have kids will they not be able to deal with their emotions in a healthy way. So yet again another thing I stress about I guess I am just a big ball of stress. Sorry this is so long thanks to those who read this you make it worth me writing on here! Hope everyone has a better day then I am!
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June 2018
CategoriesAuthorI am Bridget I have PTSD and was recently diagnosed |