So I find myself feeling bad about not writing anything recently. I just been so depressed and suicide has been on my mind a lot lately. Its been so bad I been skipping my appointments with my counselors and group. I also just haven't wanted to go any place and now my little brother who is about to be 21 is thinking of suicide and thinks no one cares about him. I wish I could reach him and tell him that people do care and even though when we are in that mind set of wanting to end our lives we don't see that people care we only see what we want which is that we are a burden to those around us and no one cares. But I am here to tell you that it is not true and if your still alive it must be for a reason you have to have some kind of will to live or you would have done away with yourself long ago. That is something I try to tell myself when I get in that mind set and everyday seems to be that I wake up thinking about suicide and go to sleep thinking about it. I don't know how to reach him and I know when my Dad died someone I wasn't super close to it changed me in a way that I will never understand and now if I lost him I don't know what I will do. Its terrible to be worried about someone who is thinking of suicide when you are thinking of the same thing. Even my drug counselor noticed when I went to see her that things were off with me. But no one seems to understand that I am really never okay and I just try to act like I am so people don't worry about me. I hate when people worry and something kinda important my counselor told me was that its okay to ask for help and let people help you. This is a concept I struggle with on the daily because I have always had to rely on one person me. So why now would I rely on another? This is my thinking and by no means do I want others to think this way because it gets quite lonely. My whole point of this is that suicide ends the chances of life ever getting better and that it hurts those around you as well as that it is okay to ask for help even if you don't believe you should it might be the best thing you ever did. I also want everyone to know that suicide affects everyone around you so that is something else I think of when I am thinking of giving up on life. I know that your all thinking I am a hypocrite since I think about it a lot and yet I am asking you to please don't do it. You may never know who is in your corner and who really loves you and what you might miss out on in life if you take your own life. No one deserves to have a crappy life but the best people have the shittiest lives and some of them seem to keep on living to the end and some of them just give up please try to keep living till you are old or till its truly your time. Life might just be getting ready to give you something beautiful or you might just be a few months away from something life changing but if you end your life you will never get to see if there was something more that was going to be better then what you been going through. Just try to remember that people care and love you! :) Your a beautiful person and the more crap you go through the more beautiful and understanding you become. So hope this puts a new perspective for people thinking of suicide because I always have to remind myself of these things. Find something to remind your self of as to why you have gone on this long it can be the smallest thing in the world to the biggest just try to reach deep and give your self a few days and see if the feeling passes if not thinking of getting help either before those few days are up or after just don't give up.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Archives
June 2018
CategoriesAuthorI am Bridget I have PTSD and was recently diagnosed |