Sorry it's been a minute since my last post but I will try to get more into posting! Also post may trigger! I am just having a crappy life! I feel like I am just drowning and every time I think I am reaching the top for air I get pulled back in by a wave of drama and bull crap! I hate my family with the except of some people! I feel so lost and alone! I have great support but on the other hand I don't because I don't know how to reach out! I just wish for a while things could be happy and good! I am on the edge of tears I been trying to get pregnant for years now and it hasn't happened I don't think it will and then shit to make sure I won't happens! I am at the end of my rope on things and want to cry and scream and jump off a bridge and say screw it but I can't because I don't want to disappoint others! I hate that I feel I have to please others! I just wish there was a miracle pill to make the pain go away of life! I don't know I made it to 24 years I really don't! What I do know is that it's been a up hill battle every day and with each day is a new struggle and a new struggle means more pain more stress and more misery! I have changed my life and tried to make it better but nothing makes it better! I feel like I am running a race I can't win but yet I can't stop running! Where is the light at the end of the tunnel when does the tunnel end! Where is my happy ever after! Yea I have my husband and he is wonderful but he can't make this pain go away and I don't know how much more of this I can take more less handle! I wish this game was over! I wish it would just stop being so hard and painful! Sorry everyone for the pity party! I know life is hard but to constantly have road blocks makes it even harder to navigate this world! My first road block in life was being molested and I know what a weird thing to say but that brought on way more road blocks such as mental illnesses which now I have to live with! Now there is the road block of have Poly Cysic Ovarian Syndrome and having issues conceiving and yea it doesn't sound like a lot but walk and my shoes see how exhausted you are in the end! I just don't know and I know others have it worse then me and stuff but their issues don't make my struggles any less real or any less of a problem! I just hope those who struggling can find strength from me and live a happy full life for me because I don't know how much more of this I can take! Sorry and hope if you read this whole thing you are okay and I haven't depressed you! Have a good night everyone!
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June 2018
CategoriesAuthorI am Bridget I have PTSD and was recently diagnosed |