So I have been having a really hard time controlling my emotions lately and I don't know why! I find myself snapping at people like I been snapping at my mom a lot and my husband and it just seems like I can't stop myself before I do it! I feel super bad afterward and embarrassed because it keeps happening! I am under a ton of stress and I don't know if it's because of the stress that I am snappy or if it's just I am getting generally annoyed at that person. Anyway I snapped at my mom about the remote because she was getting mad it wasn't working and so I snapped at her for something so stupid and now I feel embarrassed and I think I hurt her feelings which wasn't my intentions just so much has been going on and I been snapping at her a lot over stupid stuff. Last night she comforted me because I am just having a really hard time dealing with all the stress I am trying to deal with along with my anxiety and depression so I just feel super tense and she thinks I need some medication which I really haven't been wanting since my husband and I are trying to get pregnant right now but I agreed some anxiety pills might be a good idea since going to the store is to much for me I get panicky pretty quick plus with my best friend/sissy's wedding coming up I figure it would be a really good idea because I am her maid of honor and I don't know how many people will be there and with some many people I don't know it will be so overwhelming so going to talk to my therapist about getting meds since she has been trying to convince me to get meds the last few times I seen her since I mentioned to her about meds a while back when I thought we would give baby making a rest but we decided not to and so I decided to not get meds but maybe meds will make it easier to get pregnant. Has anyone gotten pregnant when starting meds or after being on meds for a certain about of time and if so did you continue to take them was your baby okay or did you stop them for your pregnancy and where you okay? I just would like to know anyone's experience with mental health meds and pregnancy because I worry about getting meds with trying to get pregnant it makes me feel like I need to pick my battles and maybe I need the meds more then I need to be a mother. I just feel conflicted on everything. Plus I been confused about my gender which I feel like is a losing battle because I feel scared to change who I am especially since me staying who I am makes my Mom most comfortable so I just think I am better off as I am and I don't have the time or energy to put into that anymore to much other stress has come up and I am just physically, emotionally, and mentally drained. Do any of you feel this way how do you cope and make it through? I feel like pulling out my little bit of hair or just sleeping and never waking up which I guess is another good reason to check into meds. Last time I was this bad in a mental state I was a teenager and I have as in and out of the hospital for attempting suicide so it's not something I should take lightly and act as if I can make it through again because this time no one might be there to save me from myself. If I didn't have my dog Samson I probably wouldn't leave my bed during the day unless to use the bathroom so he makes me get up and take him out and that's probably a good thing. Some days I wish he could open the door and take himself out that's how bad it gets and if it wasn't for my mom I would never leave the house she makes sure I get out every now and again to go to the store. If it wasn't for Mickeal my husband I probably would be still trying to end my life just about everyday. If it wasn't for my best friend/sissy I probably wouldn't have survived middle school or had any friends she really has been a great friend and has helped me stay straight since my drug abuse. I really hope all my readers have people like this in their life if you don't maybe I could be someone to talk to for you. I really believe it's because of these people that I breathe another breathe and I don't give up but I will also say just because I have them doesn't mean I don't still have times when I question why I am still here or why I am still trying to stay alive. Thanks for reading my blog. I know I usually am not so active on here but trying to come write a "little" each day! Hope you all have a great day and great memorial day weekend!
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Archives
June 2018
CategoriesAuthorI am Bridget I have PTSD and was recently diagnosed |