So I wasn't going to post here today but I am going out of my way to post this because if I don't get this off my chest right now its going to eat at me. So I just basically had to tell my older sister how I felt about her boyfriend now I have never met this guy but I can tell how she talks about him and how he has been toward her I can tell that he is very controlling and I have seen her go thru this before and at some point you have to become numb to other people's stuff and I think I need to do this with her because she is proving she doesn't want my help. Now the title says triggers and I wanna take time to talk about that because this triggered me hearing what sounded like my sister in distress its really upset and it brings out this mean ruthless Bridget that I hate becoming. Now I say becoming because I change when I am triggered and I have found many things can be triggers for me like what someone says or does and it can do a few different things in my experience now yours might be different and would love to hear about yours. Mine are I get closed off, upset which can look like me being pissed or crying. I just feel like I am being put on a emotional roller coaster because of my triggers and I have yet to find a way to control my triggers from upsetting me to such a point. Now I didn't mean to yell at my sister or judge her boyfriend but I am just extremely sick of people and there crap. I feel like I want to be finished with my sister though but I don't know if I can. She has a way of triggering me a lot but she has always been there and you know how it is when you just want to be there for someone because you know even though they say they are fearless the right person can make them fearful. I don't think she realizes this and only reason I do is because I know how it is I have been there and done that with my childhood the right person could always make me feel like a speck of dirt on the ground and I can feel myself wanting to cry while right this because I am triggering myself. I have a self destruct problem and I have noticed I am doing that since finding out about having PCOS its really made me shut down and has made me feel like I can't see a reason for my life but I know there is reasons because of all the wonderful people around me and because of my readers you all give me a purpose to my life by reading my blog. I wanna get off track and say that if it wasn't for my Mom I don't know what or where I would be out of this messed up crazy life. My Mom has been a constant and even when I feel like I shouldn't have been loved she loved me. I also know that she doesn't have to love me just because she is my mother but because she truly genuinely cares and wants only the very best for me. I really hope all my readers have someone like my Mom in there life, someone who has always been there and has shown you they don't have to be there. If you have this tell me about this person and how they have helped you. Thanks for reading my blog and keep reading it please and comment if you want. :)
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June 2018
CategoriesAuthorI am Bridget I have PTSD and was recently diagnosed |