Hey everyone. Just wanted to come write a little about what I am going through at the moment in my life. I was put on Provera which they put my on for me to have aunt flo come visit regularly and I am totally sick right now she is visiting and I am nauseous and having seriously horrible anxiety I didn't get to sleep till early morning today because I was so paranoid. So I am going to see about anxiety pills I think I have mentioned that before and sorry if I keep repeating myself. While my husband has been so sweet and awesome right now while I am going through all of this and I feel like pulling away and I don't know why. I am going through this is whole thing to try and get pregnant because if I had it my way I would want to never have another visit again. I end up in really bad pain and now I am severely nauseous all last night and all today which I think might be either from the anxiety or is bring on the anxiety. I feel so depressed. I also had someone I thought was my friend remove me from Facebook and block me all because I was trying to tell her it wasn't wise to put anything like Vaseline on a new tattoo so whatever her lose. I just feel alone and sad I guess even though I have my best friend and my Mom and of course my awesome husband. I know I should tell him that maybe we need to put on hold getting pregnant because it's getting to stressful for me but then again I don't want to really wait and find out we should have tried now. I just feel so confused and seriously just sick. I wish there was a magic pill to help me figure this stuff out. I am also trying to lose weight which isn't easy especially since I am one of those people who works out sometimes but I am not watching what I am eating and how much to try and take some weight off but at the same time I feel like if it comes off it comes off but now I feel like I will never have a baby if I don't take this weight off that's hard to get off thanks to the stupid PCOS which makes it hard to get pregnant so I just feel like I am stuck in a place where no matter what I do I can't really win because I have read some women take the weight off and still can't conceive and of course I want the weight off for health reasons just as much for a baby I just feel if that's the case it might just make me want to back peddle. I just feel really lost and alone and depressed. I also was having issues a while back with self harm and I guess a sign of me not being a teen anymore I now have some seriously nasty scars. I just wish I had done things differently in life and tried to make it better before it all got so bad but I also don't know what I could have changed! While I am done I really am feel horrible and just need to try and relax. Sorry for the TMI stuff. Thanks for reading!
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June 2018
CategoriesAuthorI am Bridget I have PTSD and was recently diagnosed |