I know I haven't written anything for quite a while because I been super busy and super depressed and I seen the person who caused my trauma last week so you can probably imagine how that can just mess you up for a few days. I just haven't really had much to say or anything. I been super depressed and super paranoid. Just life has me down and I don't know how to get back up and fight anymore. Its getting super hard to find reasons and also to have hope in my life when I can't seem to get back up without getting knocked back down I am sure I am not the only one feeling this way but it sucks and if you have felt this way then you certainly know what I am talking about it just takes everything out of you and you just feel so lost and don't know where to turn to. That is were I am right now in my life and I just don't know how to find a way to stop feeling this way. I do everything I am suppose to and I change my mindset to positive but then it all just falls apart again. How do I get thru this? I don't even know anymore. Life has taken its toll and has me down so far on the ground I want to give up. I have been thinking about it to and how I would and I know that is so bad I should be going to a hospital for help but I feel there is no reason to until I act on it now maybe that makes me stupid but that is just how I am. I wanna be positive. I wanna be happy. I want to be one of those people who feel like there life has meaning but I can't seem to find it. I wanna fall apart but I feel like I am unworthy of crying and letting out those bad emotions that I have inside. I feel like if I do cry then there is shame in it and there shouldn't be but there is for me. Does anyone else feel this way? I feel like people just look at my blog but don't read it because they don't comment so if you read this let me know leave me a comment and leave it short like read or something just so I know I am not just wasting my time writing this and still not really reaching those I want to reach. I wanna be able to give people hope because there is others like them. I go to group and while it seems like there is people there who can relate they can't fully relate they have a voice something I don't have. They made us do this thing were we had to look each other in the eyes. This is something I struggle with and one of the ladies said that you know looking people in the eyes is showing you feel worthy of them and worthy to look them in the eyes and its a self respect thing not just a respect thing for them. Will that empowered me for a while I feel unworthy so how do I look people in their eyes if I feel not worthy? Do you look people in there eyes or do you struggle with that too? Now some of you may think I am a liar since I won't look people in the eyes but that has nothing to do with it I am so honest and I don't lie but I believe that eyes are the windows to peoples souls and I sure don't want people looking at my soul. I don't want them hurt. Hope that made sense. Will I guess this is all for now. Hope people are reading m
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June 2018
CategoriesAuthorI am Bridget I have PTSD and was recently diagnosed |