I been feeling so incredibly stressed lately. I am trying to get social security disability and I am at the end were you go to court and I should be seeing a judge this year and I am really hoping I get it. If that was the only thing I need to stress about I might not feel overwhelmed okay not as overwhelmed as I feel. I feel like I am drowning in my thoughts. I am worried about my mom who is stressed about our house which I am also stressing about and the fact she is lonely and feels like she missed out on finding someone but I know she hasn't and I hope she finds someone soon. The other thing that I am stressed about is my little brother he is thinking of ending his life and of course people online want to encourage him. I have tired to help him from feeling this way but I feel like he needs someone else to tell him that things can get better and I know I am no expert on that but I have to hold on to the hope it does. I also feel stressed about not getting pregnant and while that is the last of my worries I am still stressed about it I see my doctor in 2 days to see if I have PCOS like I was told before and I will be celebrating my clean date as well as my sister celebrating her's we will have a year. I think I feel overwhelmed because I can't drink or smoke because of trying to get pregnant and smoking cigarettes decreases the chances as well as drinking. So I feel extremely overwhelmed usually I would drink in these situations but I am trying to learn to deal with my issues without stuff like that. I know all that stuff seems like small stuff but add all that with nightmares of your past trauma and depression as well as not telling people your feeling like your life is worthless and you want to end it makes for a hefty load for one person to handle alone. Life isn't the easiest and sometimes I wish I could work and get over my anxiety and stop being depressed and just be fine but it's not so easy and I wish it was mental health is a mean scary beast that seems unbeatable and can easily break you down till you feel like you are worthless and like your never going to be okay or happy. It makes you feel lonely and uncared for. I know I have a lot of people who love me and care about me but you know sometimes that is not enough it seems. One thing I know tho is that I am not what I tell myself or the mean things others tell me but rather what those who truly love me tell me. Life should be beautiful and precious but for a lot of us in this world is not is depressing and ugly something that wants to make us feel miserable and we will never understand why. I guess I just want everyone to know that their life is beautiful even if it doesn't seem like it is but it is just keep your head up and remember that your beautiful and those who truly love you will make sure you know if you don't believe it they will keep telling you how much you mean to them and how much you have to offer this world and if you have no one like that I will tell you right now that you are beautiful and yes I don't know you but everyone has something to offer even if you have made horrible mistakes I have to but we ate beautiful and wonderful and deserve to forgive ourselves and feel loved and wonderful and great because we are all of those things. Never give up and find a reason to be happy or at least make it thru another day because you never know what the future has in store for you.
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June 2018
CategoriesAuthorI am Bridget I have PTSD and was recently diagnosed |