Hey everyone! I know I keep being really bad at coming and writing on here. I get really busy and end up forgetting or just forget to come write. I am also struggling to be quite honest. My life is going good and my mom is doing a lot better then she was. Yet I am depressed and yes, I know its the nature of the beast but let me tell you it seems really unfair its here when my life is going so well. Not only am I depressed but I been having suicidal thoughts that started yesterday. My anxiety is high and even with my life going so well to me it feels like it is going down hill but I know the reality is it isn't. One thing I have learned from having depression and anxiety is that you lie to yourself a lot and you have a whole lot of irrational thoughts. I have started to learn to ignore this. How I have I really couldn't tell you, I try to compare this time to the last time I was suffering and also how things would look right now without the depression. I know I am lucky and blessed to have what I have like my mom, husband, sister/best-friend and my older sister. I know I have talked about not talking to my siblings much especially my sisters, but I have recently decided to give my oldest sister another chance and here is why. For one she was the one who was there and took me to the ER on my first overdose when I was 14 years old so obviously that is major and then she let me live with her after all that when my mom had to much going on to be able to try to deal with what was going on with me that was way before we really knew what was going on she thought I was being a teenager and going through a faze. It was not a faze so if you are a parent and you read this know that you need to pay attention and listen to what your child is telling you. Even if it seems like nothing don't ignore it take them and get them evaluated because that was just one attempt on my life so its super important to help them before it gets there. Okay back to why my sister deserves this chance, we both have said things we regret in the past and I am usually the one to lose my cool with her and that is not her fault. Last reason she has changed a lot will going through her therapy and she can relate to me and is another person for me to talk to. I think she deserves this chance and let me tell you I am that person that gives a million chance to someone and then some and I know that's not good, But she is my sister and I feel its important to give her this chance plus I talk to her daughter and she deserves a chance to be in my life as well. Okay so something else that is going on with me. Today marks 5 years since my Dad passed away. Now I really wouldn't have remember if my sister hadn't reminded me and if my Timehop hadn't told me how long it had been, now I know some may think oh this is why she is depressed and while that would be a great explanation for it, that isn't it. Here is why because I while I loved my Dad the more I think of how he had treated me when he was alive it wasn't the best and in reality he has hurt me and I couldn't see it when he was dying or when he was alive. He really hurt me in the fact that he basically had allowed my older brother to do what he had done to me. Not sure I ever said who the abuser was but there it is. So yea maybe I have said before but my memory isn't the greatest, but he use to make me go alone with him despite knowing he abused me as a child I guess he thought my brother had change but he hadn't and hasn't its really sad but it is reality. So those who do read this maybe comment how you are or a cool picture or something so I know you are out there. Even let me know what you think of my blog even if its that you think its crap. Thanks for reading this! Sorry my writing is probably crap and I am sure only my friend reads it but that is okay maybe someone in need will stumble on it and see they aren't as alone as they think or thought they were. Anyway I am going to add some pictures with sayings on them on here as well. Thanks for reading this.
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So I wrote in my journal today and its real and raw and something I rarely do. So I am going to share with you all something that I might never ever share again. So here we go.
So I been suffering for a while and just not been telling anyone how I been really truly feeling, until today when I told Mickeal and let me tell you I felt like he totally didn't get it, not one bit how I am feeling. I feel like sometimes with him I am not allowed to feel so down, that I hate my life. He makes me feel like its wrong to be so very upset with life its self. I feel super alone and scared. I feel so misunderstood as well. I just want a baby and to feel what its like for 9 months being pregnant and going into labor and breastfeeding and bringing my baby home and watch them grow up and have a life of their very own. Right now it feels like it will never happen for me and the pain its causing me is so very real that I am tearing up writing this. I am so happy for those who have babies or have them on their way but I want that too. Is it to much to ask to want a baby also. I mean it could be my weight keeping me from it and I been trying to lose weight but anyone with anxiety and depression know its hard to get motivated and once you do its hard to go out and exercise because of people. I really honestly think if I don't conceive ever in my life and have a child that my life will feel meaning less and I will feel even more worthless then I already do. Its so hard wanting more out of life but never getting it. I feel like a loser and failure everyday of my life. I feel unliked a lot of the time and like I am annoying or bothering those around me. I live almost as if I always have a cartoon dark cloud floating above my head. Now I am getting really bad anxiety and I feel sick because I am never really this honest with myself about how intense things get. I try to ignore it and pretend as if my life is fine and blame the anxiety on me not feeling well. I lead a sad existence. My mom said the other day best I am not living but simply existing. She was talking about herself but I relate so much to that. I feel sad that my mom feels this way. She deserves to have happiness, no matter what that means. Most days I also feel about 2 feet tall because I feel that low and that pushed down by life. You know I am 25 about to be 26 this year and I already feel so worthless in life it scares me to think of how I will feel at 30 or 40 years old. I want to believe it gets better but I know once I lose my mom I will really be a mess. Life is the hardest thing we do no wait living and trying to make it into a life is the hardest thing we do, we aren't given a instruction manual on how to navigate life. We are just tossed in and expected to just know how to do stuff. I mean a lot of people have family to help them in that part of life but if you don't have anyone to show you or help you what do you do? You try to figure it out and you either succeed or fail. Even those taught seem to have trouble but I have read a lot of stories about people being social and stuff even though they have anxiety and depression and I always wonder and ask myself why that can't be me. I wish I was that way. But I have never really been a social butterfly. When I was super young I was more social then when I started school and such. Sometimes I think public school caused a lot of anxiety but I think it was a combination of being abused and home life. My anxiety is rising as I talk about this stuff. But you know this is the real me that I keep locked away, the shit I don't talk about to anyone because its painful and anxiety educing. I guess this is the crap even I try to distance myself from, never realizing it. When I was younger I remember going to see my grandma and being so shy around her because we didn't see her often and now that she is gone and has been gone for years, I wish I had a chance to sit and talk with her and spend time with her. She was my only grandparent we were around growing up. I think that's why I want a baby now while my mom is still around so my child will at least have a grandma on my side alive since my dad is gone but I also know they will have Mickeal's mom and dad. I just don't want them to never have a chance to meet a grandparent on my side because I never met my dad's parents. His mom left him and his brother with their dad who got sick and put them in a orphanage in Cuba. So my dad didn't know his grandparents either. My mom on the other hand did she knew all her grandparents I believe. I just want my kids to have what I didn't in life. I want them to be happy and have full lives. I want them to have every opportunity to succeed and go far in life and be whatever they wish to be. I just want someone to be able to encourage to follow their dreams and give them 100% support. I just want a child to love unconditional and help them when they fall. I want to be called mom, mommy or mother when they are teenagers and upset with me or I have embarrassed them. I want to watch them grow up and graduate high school and go onto college if they choose t go. I want to watch them fail and succeed and buy a house and get married and start a family if they choose to do all that. Just to watch them grow and learn and be independent. Just to see them be all that they want to be. Sorry for going all over the place and writing so much. But this is me and my life. Sorry this way so long but this my journal entry today and I know its a lot but its the real me and my real struggle today and everyday. This is how hard it is not being able to have a child. So anyway thanks for taking the time to read. Share if you want and try to have a great day till next time. Thanks again. Sorry everyone its been so long since I have posted anything. Life has been crazy but then again when isn't it. I recently stopped my medication and I will explain why in a minute but before then. A lot has happened. My mom is doing better after a total of 3 surgeries and a infection last year. One of the main reasons I wasn't getting on here to write. So much had been going on with her that I just didn't have the time and didn't really know what to come and write on here. So over the last few months a lot has gone on in my life. My husband got a car from his mom's husband who passed a month or so ago. My husband and I have probably been doing the best we ever have in our relationship over the last few years. Like I said my mom is doing a lot better. Also my niece came back in our lives which is nice. I haven't talked to her much because I don't talk to her mom. After a lot of issues with her stuff. Anyway I am basically doing okay without my medication. Its been probably a month almost since I stopped them. So my reasons on that was because my husband and I have gotten serious about getting pregnant and I track my ovulation which we just started and the medication isn't good for a baby. Oh yea good news I actually ovulate so that is one good thing! Which is super exciting for us. One thing that makes me super sad is that most of my family won't be able to be in our children's lives more less know about them. So sadly when I get pregnant I won't be posting it on here. I just feel I can't trust my biological family and that makes me sad. Maybe later in life they can know but not till I feel like its a good idea. I am super excited though by the fact that it could happen for us. I also have decided if it doesn't happen for us that is okay too. I am just happy with my life the way it is. I still get depressed and discouraged but I know that I will have good days again. I been sticking with my counseling as well which has been a major help for me. I have learned a lot and I don't even talk about my past. I am in a much better spot then I have been in. I am really proud of myself with how far I have come in my thinking. I certainly have bad days where I feel like this life isn't worth it and it will be there for a while but I am able to come out of it and realize I am going to be okay and most of that is thanks to friends and family and coming and writing. Just doing things I enjoy is a major help to me. You can do it also. Believe me it won't be easy but its worth it and it takes time. I still struggle majorly and who knows I could be having my good time of my bipolar and that is whats making me thinking my life is so great. I know there has been some crappy moments but I notice when I take people out of my life that stress me out or make me feel less then. That I feel a lot better. Thanks to those who come back and keep reading and checking this out so sorry for being so absent my life gets crazy and so do I. I sometimes forget I have this blog to keep up on. I hope you all are doing wonderful in life and I wish you all a very happy and wonderful rest of your day. With love Bridget.
I know it keeps being a while in between me coming and writing on here. I just have way to much going on in my life to come and try and write even though I know now would be the perfect time to come and write because then you all can get a real aspect as to how my life is. So I am going to court this month for social security and let me tell you it is messing me up majorly. I feel so stressed out and overwhelmed that honestly its amazing I haven't had to go to the hospital. I been struggling with my self harming my legs look like a cat scratched me pretty deep a few times and it also looks like someone was leaving me a message. I hate the fact that I rely on self harm so much still. I guess I am trying to just deal with this add anxiety I am having. I have also noticed I am self destructing everything around me. I am self destructing my relationships and my body because its all to much and trying to function under so much stress is honestly to much to handle. I just celebrated my 3 year anniversary with my husband on the 7th but we didn't do much. I know he appreciates me and all but I feel so alone in this world. Like I am battling all of this stress and anxiety alone. I am just in such a bad place right now that functioning is super hard but I try to smile and laugh even though inside I am dying little by little. I really feel so worthless and like a bitch because I keep snapping at everyone because I am under so much stress and anxiety that everything everyone says to me is annoying. Yesterday I also drank coffee knowing it would only make the anxiety worse which yet again self destruction is my think lately. I just want to heighten the feelings I am feeling because maybe then they won't bug me so much but trust me it doesn't work that way. I feel extremely misunderstood and hated lately by the world. I know all these feelings I am having is a recipe for disaster but what can I do? I am so far gone that some days I wonder why I am still her. My life isn't even a life I am a living breathing wall basically that can talk and move. I honestly feel so alone in this world and like this is all so worthless like I am. I am also scared to die yet I wish I could welcome it with open arms and just let all of this pain melt away. I know that suicide isn't the answer and there is no guarantee the pain will stop but sometimes I just can't take much more of this pain and this never ending darkness. I would not want any of you believing that suicide is the answer because it never ever is. We must remember when we feel this way that while we maybe taking the pain away from us we are just putting it on to another person those who love us. We also have to remember when we end our lives we make it to where things can never ever get better. We know deep down it will get better eventually we just feel in the moment it won't no matter how long that darkness last just remember you are loved. I don't know who reads this and what not but remember I am always here for you. I love you and you are worth so much more then you will ever know. Your life will get better you just have to give it a chance and while you maybe be thinking this women is preaching something to me she can't even believe for herself but trust me when I say on good days I believe all of this and more. I know the darkness won't be here forever but I also know that right now it feels like it will and it feels like it has been here forever. Just those reading this promise me that if you are ever so depressed that life feels worthless and not worth it that you will get help and if you get turned away keep trying and keep fighting because your life makes this world a little more brighter you contribute to life even if you don't think you do. You are all beautiful people and life does get better I know don't know when but I am sure it does and I am sure it will and I just need to keep holding on even its a pinky hanging on. We are worthy and we are beautiful. Try to have a day or a good day if you can'f have a good day just have a day and be kind to yourself because its not good when we are so cruel to ourselves. If you ever need me go to the contact page and there is several ways to contact me. Thank you for sticking with me and coming and reading my blog. I really hope I am helping people and you can relate to me,
So its been a while since I have came and written anything. I been extremely busy with my mom having surgeries and trying out new meds for bipolar disorder as well as having a birthday. I turned 25 on the 7th of this month which had been hard leading up to it because I am no longer considered in my early 20's but now my mid 20's. I am going to be seeing the judge in October and that has been giving me major anxiety more then ever before. I been having anxiety attacks that have been making me breaking down crying and just feeling super depressed and having anger outburst as well as not feeling well. The meds they have me on were making the anger worse then normal and me more tired then usual as well but they cut them back and took me off one to try and see if that will help. I am just trying to hold it together while going through everything that I am. The main thing that is getting to me is the seeing the judge for my social security. I am honestly scared that I will have gone there all of this to be denied and then I will have to try and hold a job and I am just thinking I can barley make it through normal life without trying to hold down a job as well. My anxiety is probably one of the main things holding me back in life and probably my PTSD and it seriously sucks. Especially when your crying but still saying you are fine. I must say though that I have the best husband ever. He holds me when that happens even when I say I am fine he tells me I am not because he knows me to well and tells me to just let him hold me. I just feel incredibly lucky to have him in my life. We will be celebrating our 3 year wedding anniversary in exactly 2 weeks and I am a little scared because this year for us has been full of milestones in our marriage like me being more open with him and stuff so this year has been like the year for our relationship. I think we are closest we have ever been which is awesome because it means we are growing. I do feel super bad though when my anxiety takes over and just totally messes stuff up and makes me upset and anger out of no where. I am also going through a lot with my mom because she just had neck surgery to unblock her carotid artery and I was alone for that one waiting to find out how it went but she came out great. So she has one more surgery to go which is her legs to have the blockage removed from there. So having to see the judge this year is not ideal but I just have to push through. I see my lawyer next week and find out how court will go but even that makes me scared and anxious. So yea I am just feel kinda overwhelmed about everything. I have also been seeing my counselor for 6 months which I think is the longest I have been in therapy with the same counselor but hopefully that will make the judge feel better about going in my favor. So yea sorry its been so long it might be a long time again before I come and write anything because I am super super busy lately and I don't have the time and energy usually to sit down and put my thoughts out there. So yea thanks for sticking with me and continuing to read my blog and checking back. I am still here and my blog is still active I am just busy. Thanks for understanding you all rock and I hope you all are having a beautiful wonderful life. Know I am always here if you ever need to talk I am actually going to put my kik id in the contact part of this so if you want to contact me you can through kik its in the playstore for free to download or you can suggest a app you are comfortable with if you wish to talk one and one thanks.
I know its been a while since I have came and written anything. I have been super busy with taking my mom to appointments and making sure she is doing what she needs to be doing in order to recover from her open heart surgery. I also have been suffer with some serious deep depression for quite some time now. So I haven't been feeling in the mood to come and write about whats going on with me. Especially since I been talking to my siblings and am trying to build new relationships with them. One reason I wanted to come and write on here is because I got my letter from Social Security for me to see a judge at the end of October now I know this should be great news but it really couldn't have come at a worse time. Especially since next month and its my oldest sister's birthday my sister/best friend is getting married and then my birthday is not long after and I am going to be 25 which for some reason is stressing me out but anyway then my mom goes for another surgery this time on her neck. As far as next month is concerned its my husband and I's wedding anniversary of 3 years and then later I see the judge. It is like way to much going on in such a short time. Also my counselor might end up screwing me for my social security because she says I am unwilling to do what she suggests even though I do try what she says but if it doesn't work after a while I am not going to keep trying it to never see a improvement. I don't know if I am the only one who feels this way or not about stuff but I want to actually get better not stay the same and I believe I have mentioned this before that I wish I had a counselor who has been through stuff instead of someone who just reads it in books or seen it second hand. Another thing that has me totally stressing is that my older brother who I am only talking to because of all the stuff going on with my mom and it makes her happy to think I can get along with my siblings while anyway he actually had the nerve to tell me he missed hanging out with me like we use to which I know what he meant but that and instead of causing a problem I just told him that can't happen and we can't be around each other he has hurt me to much as to make it sound like I didn't know what he meant by hang out. I just am happy I wasn't like while I should give him another chance to see if we can actually have a brother sister relationship but know that it can't be. No matter how much I want a relationship with my family just some people have proven to be unworthy of my presence. As horrible as that makes me sound I know that I am strong and I don't deserve to be a victim again and again. I have already been the victim way to much in my life and I am sick of it I am a survivor and while some days I hate my life and would love to end it in a instant I also know there is people who love me and need me here. One thing that is good though is that I am realizing I am worthy of being loved and what not. Even though I know that thought will pass its nice I have it right now. One other thing I wanted to share with everyone is that I been having really vivid nightmares and the other day I had one that had scared me so bad it woke me up and actually has traumatized me. I had a hard time getting more sleep that night because the image wouldn't go away. Have any of you ever experienced this? I also wake up feeling super tired or very confused as to where I am. Its really horrible. If you can relate leave me a comment below and let me know. Thank you for reading and sticking with me I appreciate it and all of you. You are all beautiful and loved and deserve love.
Hey I know its been a while since I have come and wrote anything but I have a great excuse as to why that was. My mom ended up having a heart attack on the 15th I believe it was and then she had to stay in the hospital for a whole week waiting to have open heart surgery on the 21st. She came through it great and is home and I was going back and forth to the hospital while she was there and now that she is home I am taking care of her and making sure she does what she needs to do. She is pretty independent now but I have to remind her of a lot of stuff still which is fine for me. I been driving her car to which has made my anxiety pretty bad since I haven't really drove till she had the heart attack in a while I mean she let me start to drive a little before then so its kinda like she kinda knew something would be happening. She also needs surgery on her neck still and her legs because she has plaque everywhere in her body. She is so strong though. I am really proud of her. She has been such a trooper through this all. My husband has been amazing to. He went to the hospital with me the day of her surgery which was great and he has been super supportive to me. I love him so much and feel extremely lucky to have him in my life. I am also talking to all my siblings even my older brother who did that stuff to me. I am by no means close to any of them but I am talking to them all for the sack of my mom. I am just proud of myself that I can put stuff aside and be civil and let them know when stuff is happening with my mom. I know that its good because I am being the bigger person. So life has been okay lately just very stressful. I have been missing appointments with all this going on so I need to make sure I make my next appointment to see my counselor so I can see the med doctor so I can let her know the meds aren't working for me. I have had more energy but that's because of all that's going on. Anyway that's whats going on in my life and why I haven't wrote anything in some time. So my blog is still active I just had a lot going on. Hope things are going better for you all and you all have a great day and great weekend.
I know its been a little while since I have written anything. I have times when I am really good about coming and writing and other times I am really bad at it. A lot has been going on in my life. My mom was suppose to have surgery but she ended up canceling it because its been so hot. I been suffering from really bad anxiety lately and my pills suck they are still not working and I am hardly sleeping and feeling exhausted 24/7 so I just feel unmotivated and just can't seem to get myself to get out of this depression. Anyway I wanted to talk about something that I am not sure if you have heard of or not. Its called project semicolon and its people getting a tattoo with a semicolon for those with depression, mental health issues and addiction and to support those who suffer as well. This young women started it after her father had committed suicide if you google project semicolon I am sure you will find a article to explain it a little better then me. Anyway I really want to get a tattoo of a semicolon for the reason I have suffered from all of those things and am currently suffering terrible from depression and been having a lot of suicidal thoughts. I had my husband home for a week about a week ago and I think it may have threw me off emotionally when he went back to work because I got use to having him home. So now I am trying to get back to normal which is super hard. On top of that my birthday is coming which for some reason is scaring me. I am going to be 25 so its kinda a big deal because to me it makes me think while in 5 years I will be 30 and if I don't have kids soon I will miss my chance and I feel like such a loser because I haven't done anything with my life. I guess I just feel really out of it and scared of everything in life. I sometimes wish my husband could be home with me 24/7 but I know that can't be and he has to work so we can have a roof over our heads and food in our mouths. I have my mom home all day with me but its not the same I just really wish that life was different. I feel really emotionally out of it lately and a lot of the time I feel like all my issues are something I have caused. I can't help but a lot of the time feeling like its in my head and I am pretty sure I have mentioned that before and I didn't realize that others had that issue to of feeling like its just in their heads but I think its all apart of the illness. I really hope people still come and read my blog and aren't bored with it. I know I am probably a crappy writer and whiner and I am so sorry for that. Anyway I hope you all have a wonderful day and are doing better then me if you are not may you find some relief soon.
I wish I had something happy and great to write about but I don't truth be told. I been having a hard time keeping my anger in check. The littlest of things piss me off and the main thing that is pissing me off is the fact that I am on provera for my pcos while its not working so now they have to find something else that might work for me. I have had the last few days with my husband and I feel so bad because I feel so annoyed. I am also having severe anxiety and I just finally got my anxiety pills today. I took one and its really not helping and I was told it should help right when I start it. It says to take as needed which also tells me it should help but its really not. I don't know I am so frustrated with everything right now. My mom is going for surgery on her neck on Monday I am so nervous about that. There is a 2% chance of her having a stroke while having the surgery so I really am hoping that doesn't happen and that she doesn't have a heartache either. I been losing some weight and I think that's mainly because I am so stressed out that I am barely eating anything. I have so much on my mind all the time. I am try to keep my mind off things but its hard. My counselor keeps asking me to do task before the next time I see her and I always end up forgetting to do it because I am constantly in a state where there is other things on my mind. The last person I am worried about talking care of is myself. I know that sounds horrible but its true I have always put myself on the back burner. I guess its because growing up I always felt I was least important and I don't think that was true but it sure did feel like it. I still feel like I am not getting the help I need with my mental illness or my pcos. I have to go see the obgyn in about a week and a half or so. I really don't like him and I wish my doctor could help me with my pcos but he doesn't know enough to help me out. Which I understand it just sucks because it seems like this obgyn doesn't know much either. I feel so frustrated with life especially since I am not sure if I am being treated for the wrong mental illness. I just wish I knew if I had bi polar or not. I just wish to much I think. I really am hoping that there is a light at the end of this crap tunnel but who knows for sure. I hope everyone else is keeping cool its quite hot here. I hope you all have a wonderful day. Sorry for complaining I just needed to get that all out.
Last time I wrote on here I was talking about my best friend and how I was scared of losing her. Will I have realized that if we are true friends which we are then I didn't mess up anything. So I am really thankful for that. Now change of subject I am back on medication and I am on a generic Zoloft and I have been on it before but I don't remember how it affected me and I know I just started it but I feel more depressed, more irritable and way more anxious. I really don't like it and am really starting to believe I have bipolar disorder 2. Since going to that appointment and being told that I have been struggling with being mentally ill. It never really bugged me or I didn't really think of it before I guess. While now I been and I actually was so upset yesterday and my husband could tell and he asked if he could do anything for me after a sweet speech he gave me and I asked him to make me normal and he said he would try his best and I totally lost it. I know the reality is I will never be normal and that I can never be like the rest of the world. I also know if he could he would take away my pain. Sometimes I feel like having a name to what I got through makes it harder to swallow even if it is something that other people go through. I feel just tired which I think makes it even more harder. I also feel like the world is constantly judging me because I am not like them. I know my diagnosis is not who I am but sometimes it consumes me to the point where I feel like it is me and that there is no difference between me and my diagnosis. I hate when they ask if you think you have whatever they are saying you have. I always say I don't know even if I suspect I do because I just live with it on the daily I don't really know if I do have it or not I am not a doctor. I do wish that I could just wake up and find out that its all been a bad nightmare and that was what I told my counselor this last time I seen her. She told me unfortunately its not a nightmare and I was waiting for her to tell me that my issues where treatable. She didn't and good thing she didn't because I hate when they say that. Something that is treatable is something you have a possibly of being rid of it mental illnesses aren't something that go in remission. We can't recover from it either so saying we are in recovery isn't the right word either because someone in recovery is able to go back to a somewhat regular life without the drugs or whatever. MY counselor instead said its manageable with the right tools and medication. Which I will take manageable as a way of describing it but even that doesn't seem right because sometimes medication and all that doesn't work and its still not managed. I really don't know what the right word would be but most words don't work because we just don't ever seem to be 100% better and normal. Sorry if I offend anyone or hurt anyone's feelings this is just my opinion and how I feel. I know its a journey we are all on and we are all on different paths of managing and what not. I know that word isn't right but I can't think of another word and maybe it is the right word I don't know who I am I to say anyway. We all have different opinions and have different things that work for us. I think we all need to find our voices in the mental health community and try to get people to understand us rather then labeling us as crazy. Just like drug addicts a lot of them are hurting and dealing with mental illness but there isn't enough resources out there for the mentally ill. Most people live their whole lives not knowing they are suffering from a mental illness. Had I not had a sister diagnosed as mentally ill I probably wouldn't know because for me its so normal. I know some people develop it early or later in life and mine started early and I think when you have lived with it so long or you first start having it you figure its normal or you'r new normal which shouldn't be happening. I still question if I just make this all up in my head and I made myself this way, maybe I am normal is something that crosses my mind quite a bit but I am not normal. Its just a hard pill to swallow. Sorry if all my post are always one big thing of words jumbled together. If it bugs anyone let me know and I will start making spaces if that makes it easier to read. This is just easy for me to read. Thanks for reading and sorry for all my craziness and stuff I put up here. I am just always every where which I hope some of you can relate. Have a good day and try to enjoy your good days. Savor the moments that are awesome when they happen so you have something to fall on when you have a bad day.
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June 2018
CategoriesAuthorI am Bridget I have PTSD and was recently diagnosed |